You got it! That line is from The Godfather. I think most of us would like to "take it to the mattresses" sometimes, you know? We're all human, we get emotional and want others to listen and understand our needs. I mean if you've asked your bother in law to return your toolbox 16 times since last month or the neighbors dog does his business on your lawn and not his own EVERY time - don't you sometimes think "OK - that's it I've had it, this means war." Well, before you wage an all out war, there are some ways to stay cool and sane in a not-so-nice conversation.

1. Get in / get out.

Most people don't love arguing - seriously, it's just not fun. But if you need to have a serious discussion it's best to stick to the facts - this will save a lot of time and a LOT of bad emotions/feelings. Focus on what needs to be discussed, state your facts, listen to the "other side", discuss solutions that work for both and be done.

2. Respect.

I'm not saying that you have to be "nicey-nice" but when a conversation is stressed, it really helps the give the other person your respect, eye contact and full attention. You can still be direct and get your point across - but no need to be insulting or degrading. Not only does it NOT help if the conversation turns ugly, but you quickly loose credibility and possibly any resolution.

3. Breathe.

Keeping your breathing in check is debate tactic - no kidding! Slowing your breathing will help you to slow your heart rate and will allow you to physically relax. Breathe slowly and deeply, in and out. If you feel particularly stressed at any point, take a moment - stop talking and just breathe. Speaking slower and in a normal tone rather than faster and louder will keep you in control of your side of the conversation.

4. Listen.

No, I mean really listen! What someone is saying and what you think they are saying may be two different things. A great tool is to repeat back to the other person what you think they said. You might say "I need to clarify what you just said because I'm not sure if I heard you correctly. This is what I heard say what you think they said here, then ask....is that correct?" Give them a moment to clarify if needed. In the heat of a stressful conversation it keeps everyone on the same page because you're making sure you are really hearing what's being said. Also, consider that you actually may be mistaken or could have misunderstood the situation. Nobody is right 100% of the time and if you're wrong, no big deal - own it and move on. Everyone makes mistakes - everyone.

5. Find a solution.

One that works everyone. Each person will most likely have to give in a little, but that will benefit everyone involved. If you're more interested in being right than finding a mutual solution then your relationship will probably always be stressed. Think about it, is that what you want? Again, nobody can be right al of the time. Maybe you won't get everything you want BUT if you meet each other half way, then all parties will feel that they've been heard and each will know that the other is willing to give in a little and be fair. This will ease the stress a lot and open up communications for future conversations and solutions.